The Child God of Machines
Chapter 1
……
Hm? Oh? Hasumi-senpai!
Good evening~... Er, what are you doing out here in the middle of the night?
That should be my line. Don’t make that face, I’m not criticizing you for being up so late.
I'm in the same boat as you in that regard.
Hmph. Are you also awake because the fiscal year1 just started, and it leaves you with too much to do and too little time to sleep?
Eh? … Ah, yeah, something like that!
(I can't say it! I can’t say I’ve been downloading and playing so many new spring titles, I let the time to sleep slip away!)
(I’ve been so wrapped up in gaming, I’ve been neglecting work…!)
Ahaha. Err, I just graduated from Yumenosaki too, so it feels like everything’s been rushing past me~? So that's why I can't sleep~?
Hmph. What, are you as delicate as you look?
If you wanted, I could teach you how to navigate the new life.
Eh? Navigate the New Life Fair?2 Yeah, that’s right, that was weighing on my mind! It’s like one big bargain bin of rare and unusual games that’d usually have crazy premium prices!
What are you on about? Hmph, I don't know much about the games you like, but…
(D-Did I give myself away? Is he gonna get angry?)
That’s exactly why I’d like your advice.
Here. What do you think this is?
? This…?
Eh, what’s this? There's a weird machine nestled in the shade of the trees.
I-Is this a UFO that crash-landed?
I’m not sure. I couldn't sleep, so I ran my supervisory night patrol shift and found this strange object.
I couldn’t just ignore it, so I was trying to figure out what to do. How incorrigible.
What could this be… It’s making all sorts of beep-boopy sounds, though. It’s so futuristic~ It’s like something out of sci-fi~
Oi, don’t touch it so carelessly. It could explode.
I don’t think it’ll explode, though…
Ah, of course, I thought I’d seen something like this. I’m sure there’s a control panel here–
Mhm. Alright, I can get this moving.
M-Moving? Is this supposed to be some giant robot that combines and transforms or something?
I don't know about combining, but maybe it can transform?
Here! Look, Hasumi-senpai, open~ sesame~♪
Why exactly are you getting excited about this? I see that at the end of the day, you’re also just “Trickstar”!
……
Wh– the lid…? Opened and revealed what's inside! This is…?
Good morning to you.
Eh? A–... Ahh, yeah… Good morning.
Wait, this isn’t the time for casual greetings! Why were you stored inside this strange, mechanical thing, you!? Are you some sort of alien? If Tsukinaga knew about this, he’d be thrilled!
I’m not an alien of any sort.
I’m sorry. I seem to have surprised you.
I’m sleepy, so it’ll be a bother to explain, but… in this situation, I have no choice… but to do it.
My previous greeting was not accurate. For me it’s "good morning," but… for you, I believe it’s the time to say "good evening."
Er, what are you on about?
You’re the kind of kid who goes at his own pace, huh?
To sum it up, I was turning in for the night here.
The bed in the room that was assigned to me wasn’t very comfortable.
I see. So you were kept up late by something weighing on your mind like us?
I wouldn’t say I was particularly worried about anything. I couldn’t sleep, so I brought the bed I use at home.
B-Bed? You call this strange contraption your bed?
Yes. I’ve already checked with the dormitory rules, and I don’t believe that bringing furniture to Seisoukan is prohibited.
However, its size is too big to fit inside the room… so that’s why I was sleeping outside instead.
As long as it’s on Seisoukan’s premises, It shouldn’t be against the rules to be sleeping in a tent or a sleeping bag in the courtyard.
It isn’t recommended to do that, though. Also, it may sound convincing with the matter-of-fact way you speak about it, but I think it's a bit of a stretch to call this strange machine a sleeping bag.
Chapter 2
Haa… You don’t know anything, do you, Senpai?
This is the latest model of the sleeping device I developed– Called "Snooze-Snooze Any-Time-Any-Place-kun."
What's with the name? It sounds like a half-rate comedian.
(Hasumi-senpai’s quick and snappy with the straight-man act… I should take a lesson or two from him.)
Its name isn’t worth worrying about. I wasn’t the one who gave it that name.
Based on the latest research in ergonomics, this bed is perfectly constructed to help anyone get an instant good night's sleep.
On top of that, its functions enhance the fatigue recovery you get during sleep by several dozen times. If you’re not sold on it, why not try it out?
It seems like you two had trouble falling asleep like I did. But if you use Snooze-kun (abbr.), you'll be asleep in no time.
Ah, I might be a little interested.
Ehehe. Even when I know I'll just use it once and let it gather dust in the closet, I still buy the latest gadgets on the market.
As long as there are curious customers like you out there, my job will survive.
Your job? You’re here at Seisoukan, so aren’t you an idol like us?
That's more or less the configuration for now, but my main job lies somewhere else.
Calling myself an inventor is a little dubious, but that's the kind of work I do.
Ah, I might have heard of you. I see, as I thought, you’re definitely that “Deus Ex Machina”3 guy, right?
What? That sounds like the alias of someone who’s come down with a serious case of Chuunibyou.4
(Wow, He really is incredible! That straight-man act’s top notch, please teach me your ways, Shishou!)5
Why are you looking at me with those sparkly eyes…?
I didn't give myself that pseudonym, either. "Deus Ex Machina” isn’t a very auspicious name, after all.
Mechanical god6, huh… You, could you actually be a robot skillfully crafted to look human?
Ahaha, that’s kinda the vibe he gives off.
… I’m told that often.
Let’s put all that aside. Why don’t you two try testing out this bed?
As an apology for making you worry, I will give you both the gift of a good night's sleep.
Ah, like I said before, I'm definitely curious~♪ Do I just lie down here? And then sleep soundly until morning?
O-Oi, hold on a second, Yuuki. Don’t be so careless–
Hup. (Shoves)
Uuwhoa!?
(Wh-What the? I got pushed right in….!?)
Whoawhoa, please don't flop on me, Hasumi-senpai, I’m getting squished! I think this bed was made for one person, you know!?
— Good night, my seniors.
Rest in peace. If you do, you’ll completely forget this troublesome reality in its entirety. That I can guarantee.
……
(H-Huh? I-I was asleep? So it was a dream after all…?)
(I had the strangest dream... But that’s right, it really was just a dream, yeah? It was a little too unrealistic after all.)
(I had a strange conversation with a peculiar kid under the moonlight. It was a dream, so no matter who I’d tell it to, they’d just say "so what?", because it’s that trivial of a story.)
Ahaha. I game so much, I’m bound to have some wacky dreams. I’d better stop trying to unravel such wild delusions and get back to reality—
Yuuki! Are you here!?
Uwaah, you scared me!? H-Hasumi-senpai? What’s the matter?
You, do you remember anything that happened yesterday?
Pardon?
I figured, I thought it was a dream… A dream’s a dream, and my recollection of it is gradually fading to where I can’t remember, but…
Didn't we see a weird contraption and a strange child last night?
Er… No, but it was a dream, wasn’t it? But, huh, did you have the same one, Hasumi-senpai?
……
(Nnn…~ I should’ve completely erased their memories by tampering with their cerebral nerves, but it looks like there were some parts I let slip through the cracks.)
(It's far from perfect yet.)
(If its results don’t meet the developer’s expectations– if it doesn’t perform like it’s supposed to– then it's nothing but a dud.)
(Just like me.)
(I suppose I can’t get this on the shelves. There’s still plenty of room for improvement.)
hmmn… mnnm…?
Is something troubling you?
? yes, well, i like to [soak in water], but as expected, this [season] is chilly enough where i would catch a [cold] if i did.
I see. Then, why don’t you try out the invention I have here?
This is called the “Piping Hot Whenever You Want Kettle-kun” —
(Humans find things that mimic humanity to be uncanny.)
(The uncanny valley… I want to overcome that too.)
(I…—)
(I am not... a machine.)
? is something the matter~?
… No. I’m sorry, every once in a while, there’s a malfunction.
(For now, that is...)
(But, someday surely.)
Translation Notes
- ↑ In Japan, the fiscal year begins in April.
- ↑ From what I can tell, a New Life Fair seems to be a sale in the spring, where second-hand or discounted goods — usually furniture or appliances — are sold for the new (fiscal) year. I'm guessing Makoto's talking about a seasonal Steam Sale-esque sale for video games here.
- ↑ Deus ex Machina (lit. god from the machine in Latin) is a plot device where an impossible situation suddenly gets solved by an unexpected event or force. The term comes from ancient Greek theater, when actors who played gods were lowered into the scenes with machines (imagine them being hoisted in the air by a crane).
- ↑ Chuunibyou (中二病, lit. middle school disease) is in essence, having a cringey middle school phase. Shinobu has a scout story named Chuunibyou.
- ↑ Shishou (師匠 lit. master) is an honorific for someone who has mastered a craft.
- ↑ This (機械仕掛けの神) is literally "god of machines".